this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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