I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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