TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
