I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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