I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
