yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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