Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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