well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
