I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
