she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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