Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
