yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
