There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
