dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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