Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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