kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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