I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
