i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
