I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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