Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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