bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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