he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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