The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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