I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
