I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
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There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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