dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need a beard to bite.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
