he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm having to shit out rocks
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
