i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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