I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dude. I can hear the air.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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