I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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