After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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