We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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