Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
