if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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