I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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