we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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