I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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