I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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