Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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