You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
