drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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