you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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