Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
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Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
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I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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