i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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