I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
