I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
