I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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