Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
