Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
