At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize