I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
