I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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