Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
my liver is dry heaving
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize