Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
