and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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