I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
