He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Randomize
