So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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